How to leave a toxic relationship, according to a psychologist (2023)

FAQs

How do psychologists deal with toxic people? ›

A person in a toxic relationship may feel misunderstood and undermined in their relationship and may not feel encouraged to achieve their goals. A toxic person may see every achievement of the other person as a competition and will always try to one-up them.

People who are in an unhealthy relationship frequently attempt to end it. But they don't in the end. It occurs because some people have low self-esteem and, due to that, they believe they have no control over relationships and situations. As a result, people choose to stay rather than leave.

Working through issues with a trusted third party is one of the best ways to fix a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships rarely start out as toxic, and bringing things back to a salvageable place is possible. Both partners will need to show up to marriage counseling, ready to work together.

Counselling and psychotherapy are primary forms of narcissistic personality disorder treatment. Medication may also be provided to those showing signs of other conditions such as depression or anxiety. Because it can be difficult to change inherent personality traits, therapy may take several years.

In true love, there is comfort in separate interests. We can have our own friends and meaningful relationships outside of our romantic relationships. We can pursue interests and ideas without fear of reprimand. On the other hand, in toxic love, there is total involvement in one another's lives.

What are the stages of a toxic relationship? ›

Toxic relationships generally follow three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Learn about each of these stages and the impact it has on you.

Sign #1: You No Longer Look Forward To Seeing Them

The first sign you should end a relationship is a prominent one. If you realize you aren't looking forward to seeing someone or you're ignoring their calls and messages because you feel anxious about having to talk to them, you should break it off.

Gaslighting

Veasley says gaslighting is one of the most common forms of emotional manipulation and a toxic behavior you shouldn't tolerate. It's a good idea to identify ways to deal with gaslighting.

All couples and friends argue - it's simply a normal part of life. But, according to Karen Young, “…if you have to repeatedly live in the past or the future to tolerate the present,” it's time to leave this unhealthy relationship behind. No one is allowed to make you feel inferior without your consent.

Survivors may leave and return several times before permanently separating from their abusive partner. In fact, research shows that it can take approximately 7 attempts before a survivor permanently leaves an abusive partner.

Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.

How do you remove someone from your life completely? ›

If you've addressed toxic behavior with the person exhibiting it and they have taken it to heart, it's possible for toxic people to change. “Toxic people can absolutely change,” Kennedy says, “however they must see their part in the problem before they are likely to find the motivation to do so.”

Chronic stress from toxic relationships can cause a long-term activation (3) of the brain's CTRA, contributing to chronic inflammation and increasing the risk of health problems like adrenal fatigue.

When looking at the timeline of breakups, many sites refer to a “study” that's actually a consumer poll a market research company conducted on behalf of Yelp. The poll's results suggest it takes an average of about 3.5 months to heal, while recovering after divorce might take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.

Online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective type of therapy that's often used to help people when they're on the road to narcissistic abuse recovery. Working with a therapist, you can begin to: Identify the reasons why you accept abuse. Build coping skills to help you navigate abusive relationships.

Tests include: Personality diagnostic questionnaire-4 (PDQ-4). Millon clinical multiaxial inventory III (MCMI-III). International personality disorder examination (IPDE).

People often have the most toxic relationships with female members of their own family, research reveals. Wives, mothers and sisters were rated the most difficult to deal with in the study of over 12,000 relationships.

For example, people in unhealthy relationships may experience pains, anxiety, and memory and speech problems. This is because their body is sent on a hormonal rollercoaster of cortisol and adrenaline, leading to tense muscles and digestive problems, among other things.

How do you fix yourself after a toxic relationship? ›

Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.

If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.

A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together. It will require each of you to examine your actions and do inner work.

In abusive relationships, victims make an average of seven attempts to end the relationship before they do, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Getting some distance can help give you perspective on your relationship, Lisa Brateman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and relationship specialist in New York City, previously told Refinery29. "Taking a break can promote self-awareness when you're removed from the situation of toxicity, and what's not going right," she said.

How do you emotionally detach yourself from someone? ›

If you feel that you're less close with yourself, less true to yourself, or feel that this partnership directly impacts your confidence and self-esteem, it's a sign to walk away. There's instability or intense ups and downs. Toxic relationships are often unstable.

People with toxic traits know they have them

It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about.